Something that may make us all feel a bit better about ourselves.

The 2008 Darwin Award winners:

Ninth Place: In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Eighth Place: A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who totally zoned when he ran, accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Seventh Place: While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8-foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Sixth Place: Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fifth Place: Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Fourth Place: After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

Third Place: Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

Second Place: Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman’s cable lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham’s leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham’s foot was never located.

Winner
German Zookeeper, Friedrich Riesfeldt, fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant’s unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.

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MATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been a bit bummed about all the bad news lately, so, it's time to lighten up with a food post.

One of the few things that the have nots can occasionally enjoy equally with the haves is food, and, more specifically, home grown food. While Biff Wellington IV is busy enjoying his $200 an ounce boiled Mongolian bat nutbag hair and thinking it's a delicacy, Joe Six Pack is plucking a ripe tomato from the garden and getting ready to commune with nature.

For most of us, there is nothing more delicious than a fresh tomato sandwich or a fresh bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich.

For sammich maters, I prefer Better Boy, Big Beef or Beefsteak tomatos, sliced thick, sprinkled with salt and pepper on white or Italian bread with mayo. As for my BLT's.......thick sliced, smoked Smithfield bacon, fresh iceberg lettuce and thick sliced tomatos....again sprinkled with salt and pepper.

Besides the taste, there is nothing that can beat the smell of a garden ripened tomato. Before I pick one of those red, delicious globes I take a long sniff while it's still on the vine and again after I gently tug it off the vine. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Yellow and heirloom tomatos can be tasty too. I'm also a fan of fried green tomatos. I slice 'em paper thin, batter 'em up and pan fry 'em. De-lish, squared.

Some other things which are nice to do with fresh, homegrown tomatos are to slice up some maters, add fresh chopped basil, fresh mozzarella cheese and some olive oil and salt and pepper to taste and add toasted bread of you choice....Bruschetta extraordinaire!! I also enjoy just taking a big bite out of those suckers or slicing them up and just adding some salt and pepper. Again, MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Now for a bit of rather useless trivia. Is the tomato a fruit or vegetable? Since a tomato is the seeds AND ovary of a flowering plant, botanically it's a fruit. Due to a tariff issue arising from an 1887 U.S. tariff law which imposed a duty on imported vegetables, but not fruits, the Supreme Court ruled on May 10, 1893 that for legal purposes only, the tomato is a vegetable.

Fruit or vegetable, they still taste great!!!

I'd be much obliged to read how y'all enjoy yer maters.